My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have post one night stand depression
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
