You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
