Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
