5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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