hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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