sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
