What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
