I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
