can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
