We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
