You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
