You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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