He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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