I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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