We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
