Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
