i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
