i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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