Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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