Me too!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
