I'm eating all of the evidence.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
