Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
