Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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