xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry my hands just texted you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
