In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
