This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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