In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
