Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
