I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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