that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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