Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
