There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
