the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
