Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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