Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
