i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
