He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cops high fived after they tackled you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
