There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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