Porn is love you can see.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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