TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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