So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
