4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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