I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
