is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
