Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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