A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
