11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
