i don't like sucking hair
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
