bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My ass is underappreciated
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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