Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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